Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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