goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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