Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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