i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
