Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
