we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize