Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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