I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
