there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize