I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize