i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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