all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
