I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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