I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize