You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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