I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
