doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
