I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
