hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
