Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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