we have pet lesbian snakes
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
