let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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