If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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