She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
