So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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