its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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