Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize