Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
