Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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