i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
