I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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