You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
