The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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