Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
