I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the day after is always just damage control
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
