Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you would pick up someone in the library
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
