i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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