did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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