You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
