I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
