we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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