dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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