To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize