We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
And then my night got REAL pukey
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
