there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
