Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
