found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
