You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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