Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
