Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
