I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
