he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
