i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
