Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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