i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
