Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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