there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
