thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You ate ashes out of my bong
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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