I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I looked at my own cervix.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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