Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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