woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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