Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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