i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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