He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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