id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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