I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
