I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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