OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
