Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
